Life Lessons 48 - 58: Back in the Saddle

It’s never easy getting back in a saddle. I say “a saddle” because I mean pretty much any of the saddles of life – dating, working, engaging in a particular hobby, exercising, drinking. I guess the last isn’t a saddle so much as a wagon, which everyone delights in saying they’ve fallen off of, but you get my point. Saddle, wagon, rickshaw, whatever – basically, all those silly little things we do that make us who we are.

As the way most stuff in my life goes, I’m currently attempting two saddles. The results could be disastrous, like a circus trick gone freakishly wrong, but so be it. It’s usually more fun that way. And luckily, I’ve never attempted taking a ride on that wagon of sobriety, so I’m going to assume that drinking will provide the usual lubrication I need to make the inevitable falls a little less painful.

Not too long ago, I had the strong desire to start writing again. I attempted here and there to jot some thoughts down, find a funny story to tell, that sort of thing. But I would get distracted or find other ways to fill the time, or not have the time in the first place. Then even less long ago, I lost my job. Like what seems to be the trend of most companies struggling these days, the doors were shut and I suddenly found myself with a hell of a lot more time on my hands.

And so, here I am, trying to find a job while also trying to write again. In a way, where do I even begin? Finding the most recent copy of my resume was a nightmare in itself – and then I realized, ironically enough, the latest copy was probably written around the last time I posted a life lesson. There have been four jobs at two companies, two different apartments, that many boyfriends, countless dates with names I can’t remember, two in particular with a partially deaf kid I will never forget, the marriage of a best friend, the babies of many others, a triathlon, a gym boycott, a reluctant gym return, a new family dog, the death of my grandpa, great dance parties, horrible decisions, horrible one night stands, horrible, horrible hangovers, Beer Olympics, vacations in California, amazing concerts, and even a Sloshball weekend. I mean, a lot of shit has happened. I thought tackling the resume update was going to be rough. I might actually be wrong by comparison.

Because I like lists (which really means I’m a little rusty and fear jumping right into a coherent story that will make sense), I think my foray back into this will begin with a few of the life lessons I would have written about if I hadn’t been so damn lazy the past few years.

Life Lessons 48 through 58 (in no particular order of importance):

48. I’ve rarely regretted the things that I’ve done. It’s always the stuff that I didn’t do that creeps in and lets me down.

49. Sickness and death are two of the most humbling things that have made me realize just how quickly everything can change, and how important health really is.

50. If I have given up something for New Year’s, it’s with very good reason. I should definitely try and stick to those resolutions, whether it be to avoid vices or those places (and by that I mean one bar in particular) in which to indulge in said vices.

51. Getting dumped in a foreign country still counts.

52. There is a time and a place for a phony smile, shoddy words of wisdom, even a fake orgasm. But it doesn’t do me any good to fake real happiness, encouragement or love.

53. There is nothing more humiliating than falling out of bed during sex. Trust me.

54. I have to accept the fact that sometimes shit happens for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

55. Sometimes, the man will let you down.

56. When things have gotten really, really bad, I’ve learned who the important people in my life are. It hurts when it isn’t who I sometimes thought it would be, but in the end, I’ll take that over being without my best friends any day.

57. A vodka-soda still cures most ailments.

58. When that doesn’t work, a dirty martini will.